She Saves Me Again

She saved my ass again.

However, it's with some bashfulness that I confess that "she" is -- once again -- not a person, but the GPS navigation unit in my new Superphone. (I refuse to use the buzzword "smartphone". Trust me, they're designed by humans -- many of whom aren't that smart.)

My (Current) One and Only

My (Current) One and Only

So, it's like this. I'm back in my humdrum life again after that splendiferous vacation I told you about, during which I fell in love with Superphone after she guided me around Sacramento. (Anyone who knows me knows I'm exaggerating, playing myself down. My life is not that boring; I merely fear that it is.)

So what's so special about how "she" saved my ass today? Simple: the Nav capabilities of the phone (which are phenomenal, and remember, this is a skeptic speaking) allowed me to wander & explore places I haven't been to. Now it has a workapplication as well, which is what this article is about.

So, today I'm back working after that nifty vacation I told you about. And the work ain't bad. The only thing honestly that's bad about it is the just-out-of-reach expectations I place on myself. And the job became -- as tech jobs often do -- more than I bargained for, literally.

Here's what happened. I'm working for a client today. (I am a board-certified Super Genius. You can see my bio for full credentials.)

As is often the case, I had to think on my feet and be that Super Genius I always half-jokingly pretend myself to be. (In other words, I set myself up with impossible tasks, and then accomplish them. Oh, and I try not to act surprised, but it's that acting that I'm having the most difficulty with.)

Well, the client was actually upset that I didn't have a spare Ethernet cable (to replace his missing one), which I half-granted I should have had in my field kit. (Murphy's Law of Tech #1 is that when doing field work, no matter how many tool kits and software bundles you throw in your vehicle, you're going to discover, on-site, that you're missing something you need.) So I was reconfiguring a downed piece of networking equipment for this client. The client is one of my best in the world, but is a bit of a worrier... and in that kind of contagious way, where no amount of assurance from me will allay his worrying, even when my work is going swimmingly.

So, Here's the kicker. I'm reconfiguring this downed piece of networking equipment that belonged to the client. It ALWAYS comes with an Ethernet cable. I knew he had the cable. HE knew he had the cable. But he played the ignorant client card and said he couldn't find it. I don't fault him for that -- If my clients were all-knowing, I'd hardly have much of a job! At any rate, I didn't have my own quick-fix Ethernet cable. I blamed myself, but I shouldn't have. I always pack one, and I just happened to use the one (and -- lesson learned: only one -- next time pack several) at a previous job, and left it there. Why? To make that client feel like the most special client in the world. Yeesh.

So what did I do while my client fretted, over our seemingly sudden catastrophic dearth of Category 5? I whipped out my Superphone and looked up the nearest retailer known to carry Ethernet cables. Within minutes, I was in my car, being guided, "turn by turn" as the Nav folks like to say (because it's cool and it's perfectly true), directly and quickly to said retailer. Oh, and Superphone gave me their number so I could call in advance and make sure they had what I needed. The retailer came through. But more importantly, Superphone came through. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, I came through. I saved the day. Sure, I didn't design my Superphone. And I didn't do any civil planning in Santa Clara to ensure that said retailer would be as close to the client's location as Superphone said it would. But as a great mind often says, you don't have to always have the answer, you just have to know who DOES have the answers... and listen to them. (Even if they're sleek and sexy and fit in your pocket.)

She's Sleek and Sexy and Fits in my Pocket

She's Sleek and Sexy and Fits in my Pocket

So you won't find it that unusual that I'm reluctant to give myself credit for this. Freud and company would say I'm "externalizing", a term that psychiatrists love to use. However, same said psychiatrists will often tell you that people externalize more than they should. (Something I believe I read on Wikipedia about personal bias, a very real and pandemic thought process that gives us our fatal flaw: the double-standard.) But what they're referring to is most people externalizing blame; assigning responsibility to others when they themselves are at fault. I'm one of the rare opposites: I DON'T credit myself when I should. So I'm officially amending the title of this article from "She Saved Me Again" to "I'm a Fucking Super Genius, and I Saved the Fucking Day. Doubt me? Suck it."

Hooray for my Superphone. But you know what? Hooray for me. Fuck yeah. The Super Genius. Certified... and now verified.... AGAIN. And, to my dearly valued clients... No more Nice Guy when you lose your own Ethernet cable and expect me to magically have one. (Though I'm so god damned "responsible" that you'll see my kit festooned with extra ones from here to eternity... Before which, of course, I'll get caught with my pants down when some OTHER common object goes missing.)

"Save me, Superphone!"

Nah. Shine that. I did it. I saved the day. I'm the one who decided to "employ" Superphone. I did the job, saved the day, and earned my pay (and some fucking appreciation, damn it). I'm the Super Genius. Check the credentials, biatch.

Jeremy Isaac